14. If you knew Suzy...

A given name is a label fraught with dangerous connotations and comparisons. It is something we need to think carefully about when we name our offspring as they may not thank us for how it is used…

My parents named me Susan, because my father always wanted a “Suzy”, and Patricia, after mum’s closest cousin and confidante, Pat. These days, the only people who call me Susan are my own family and Martin is the only one who calls me Suzy. To anyone else I am Sue. Susan was the most common given name in the year I was born, so I have many friends with the same name as me. If I’d been a boy, I was to be called Peter – also the most common name of that year.

When I was at school, my nickname was “Spike” because my surname was Milligan and there was a famous UK comedian, Spike Milligan. My father had also been called Spike when he was younger. It was not a nickname I liked, but it was better than that bestowed on my younger sister, who was called “Prickle” because she was little Spike. Eventually, as Spike Milligan aged and became less well known, and I grew away from immature classmates, the name stopped being used, for which I was very grateful.

I was also not that keen on the Johnny Cash song A boy named Sue and I never call the twirly thing in the middle of the table at Chinese restaurants a Lazy Susan so maybe I am more sensitive about the connotations of my given name than I thought.

When I had my own children, I thought long and hard about what they might be named. Before my daughter was born, my husband and I had decided on names: Melissa for a girl and Matthew for a boy. When she was born and I said “Melissa”, Roger admitted he thought we were having a boy and he didn’t much like the name we’d chosen for her! Grrrr. My sister bought me a baby names book and we spent the next few days laughing over some of the more ghastly suggestions before “Kirsty Irene” was chosen – Kirsty because we liked it and Irene after my grandmother. Roger immediately called her KIM – I hadn’t thought about her initials. I also hadn’t thought it could be shortened, and I was unhappy when some people called her “Kirst” – but what could I do.

Noel James and Harry James

I was more reticent about names when my next baby was due and didn’t enter into any discussions before he was born. Once we knew we had a boy, we spent several days deliberating options. I knew I wanted something that could not be shortened, and we debated over Brad and Ben before deciding on Brett, a name we both liked, and James as part of a family tradition, (his father is Roger James, my father Noel James, his father Edgar James. Brett has also followed the family tradition – his eldest son, Harry, has the middle name James.). We also have a very close friend called Brett, so we made a joke that we named our son after him because he farted all night and wanted lots of boob… Brett may not be a name you can shorten, but when he started playing sport he was called “Bretty” – sometimes you just can’t win.

Neither of my parents was particularly enamoured with their given name. My mother, Dorothy Alma, got her middle name from her youngest aunt. Aunty Alma had been instrumental in helping her parents decide on her name – evidently there were other less suitable names in the offing! There are several Dorothys in the retirement village where she lives so she is now called Dot by most residents. My father was more likely to use the endearment “darling”, another good friend calls her “Doffrey”.

My father, Noel, was a December baby and we can only speculate that his name came from the Christmas carol. At least it was easy to find decorations for his birthday parties!

Maybe names are just the little label we learn to wear, adjust, or laugh at when someone calls us “Spike.” In the end, despite all my planning, careful choices, and firm belief in unshortenable names, we got a Kirsty who became KIM and Brett who became Bretty. With middle names to keep family heritage alive. I hope they’re both happy with their names – shortened, lengthened or whatever.